The Battle Between the Heart and the Head
by TheresaJoliePitt
Summary: Just a quick one shot going through the struggle of Kate Beckett's battle with what her heart wants and her head wants. Set somewhere in season 4. Rated T because that's the first letter of my name and I'm not sure how the ratings work.


**AN: Just a quick one shot I did in between classes to save me from dying of boredum (okay I might be exaggerating a bit). It's nothing much but it's still a Caskett fan fic none the less. Enjoy :)**

Kate Beckett was standing outside his loft. She debated with her head and her heart whether or not to knock on the door. She was determined that this time her heart would win and her head wouldn't take control. But it seemed like every time her heart did win she was not able to show it.

It started when she was going to say yes to him going to the Hamptons. She was just about to tell him that she did care for him and was willing to give them a shot and that is when Gina walked in and he put his arm around her.

She was disappointed that if she would of only told him a few seconds earlier she could have been the one at the Hamptons that summer and not waiting for him to call.

Then it was when they were locked in the freezer. They were cuddled next to each other trying to stay warm. She was with Josh but at that moment she didn't care about him, she just cared about the man next to her. Her heart had won and she was going to say those three little words to him.

"I just want you to know how much I lo..." And that is when the cold won and prevented her from saying it.

They had survived the freezer and her head had taken over her heart again once she saw that he was okay. Plus, it would have been slightly awkward if she just planted a kiss on his lips when her boyfriend at the time just helped save their lives.

Then a few weeks after that they shared a kiss...well two kisses but who's counting. It was undercover but she could feel everything through that kiss. She had never been kissed like that before and she wanted so desperately to let him know that the kiss meant so much more to her...but she couldn't and they never talked about it.

A few months after was the day at the cemetery. She felt the bullet go through her and feeling Castle's arms around her. She looked up at him and saw the sadness and fear in his eyes. She was determined to pull through. She did not want to be the cause of his pain and that's when she heard those three little words come out of his mouth.

"Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate".

She gave him a soft small smile as the tear ran down her face. She tried to say the words back to him but then everything just went black.

She woke up in the hospital, thinking he would be there by her side when she woke up...but he wasn't. Josh was. Oh how she wished it was Castle by her side and not him. When he did walk through the room, with flowers in hand, she smiled. Her heart debated with her mind once again as she saw him sit down next to her.

_Kate, just tell him your remember. You love him and he loves you. What else do you need? _

But her head won in the end when she figured he just said those words because, even he said it, he never thought he see her again. She was damaged goods now. Why would he want her? So she told him she didn't remember and the look on his face hurt more than the bullet striking her.

Things had gone back to normal once she returned and Castle seemed to forgive her for leaving for three months without any contact. She just could not risk him seeing her like that. She did not want him to worry over her because she was not his and she did not want him to feel obligated. She was at her desk, wondering if Rick was going to show up, when she saw his name appear on her phone.

She felt a smile grace her face as she answered.

"Tell me you need me".

Her heart stopped. "Excuse me?" What was she going to say to this? She really did not imagine telling him her feelings for him over the phone.

"I'm stuck at a bank..."

Oh thank god. She felt her heartbeat return to normal...that was until she heard the noise of screaming and the bank robbers telling everyone to get down on the ground. Thoughts raced through her mind as Castle told her what was going on.

What if this was the last time she was going to talk to him? He'd never know how she felt. Should she tell him now? Just say it Kate. Castle, everything is going to be okay...I love you. But she couldn't, not now. Her head won again.

When she was talking to Esposito in the trailer next to the bank she was surprisingly calmer...but then she felt the bomb go off and her heart stopped. She stepped outside and all she could think about was him.

"Castle!" She screamed as they entered the building. "Castle!" She was praying for an answer.

"Beckett?"

She followed the voice and that's where she saw him and the other hostages. She went over to him and unfreed him. She still had her chance to say those three little words...

"How are you?" Not the three little words she wanted to say but she had to make sure he was okay first.

They just smiled at each other, with her hand on his collar. If his mother hadn't interrupted them she would of finally been able to say those words. This was the last life or death moment she need to make her realize she needed to say those words before it was too late.

She was waiting for a good moment. Days turned into weeks, which turned into months and she still couldn't tell him that she did love him and that she heard him that day at the cemetery.

They were by the murder board, trying to figure out this case of the Blue Butterfly and that's when she heard him say it. "Beckett, I can't give you anything but love."

She looked at him shocked. Was he going to confess his love for her right there in the bullpen? She had no idea what to say but, "What?"

"The song..."

Oh the song. She hated that this was the second time she miss judged what he was trying to say.

A few weeks after that he called her by accident. When she answered the phone she heard him say those words. "I love you"

At the time she didn't know he dialed her name by accident and was just saying goodbye to Alexis. She had no idea what to say. She was going to say I love you too. She had to. She opened her mouth to say it and that's when she heard his voice again.

"Oh sorry, Beckett. I didn't realize I hit dial. I was just saying goodbye to Alexis".

She sighed. The I love you wasn't meant for her. "It's fine Castle. Please tell me you're not calling because you're bored at a bank again because the last time that conversation didn't end well". She smirked. She had to bring the humor back into this conversation.

Now, she was standing in front of his door. All she had to do was knock. She closed her eyes and her fist and knocked. She had no idea what she was going to say but she just knew she had to say it. Enough was enough. She was done running and having her heart lose the battle.

The door opened but the person behind it wasn't who she expected. "Kate, darling! I wasn't expecting you here".

"Oh, no Martha this wasn't a planned visit. Is Cas...Rick home?"

"No, he's on a date. I'm sure he'll be home soon. Come on in. I'll get us some wine".

"A date?" Kate said in a whisper.

"Yes, with Alexis. Father, daughter movie date night".

Oh that was such a relief. Kate smiled and sat down at one of the stools in the kitchen. She took the glass of red wine Martha had poured her. "Thank you".

"So kiddo, tell me what's on your mind? If this isn't a planned visit something must be wrong. I can see it in your eyes".

Kate sighed. Her head and her heart were now debating again. Should she tell Martha her true feelings for her son? Maybe if she told her it would be easier to tell Rick.

"I...well...how do you put your feelings into words? Rick is a novelist and seems to have no problem with that but...I can't seem to do the same".

Martha gave her a soft smile, knowing exactly what she was talking about. Kate Beckett had finally realized it was time to tell her son how much he meant to her. "Well darling we all can't have a way with words like Richard does. You don't have to have a long speech to tell someone you like, hate, or love someone. Less is more when it comes to saying what you're feeling".

She looked at Martha, knowing she was right. "What if...you've tried to say how you've felt so many times but something always comes in the way of that?"

"Well that's when you have to push those fears aside. You have to think of the real questions. Can you picture your life without this person? Would you regret not telling them how you felt if they moved on without you? Would you get them out of prison?"

When Martha said that her mind went to that moment in the station when she told him she would get him out of prison. The look on his face was shocked when she turned around to look at him. She now knew why. She basically told him at that moment that she loved him enough to break the law for him and get him out because without him she'd be miserable.

She gave Martha a smile. "Thank you".

Martha just smiled back and clinked her wine glass with Kate's. "Anytime, Kiddo. We all need advice sometimes".

Kate nodded before taking a sip of her wine. Just then the sound of the front door opening alerted both of the women. The two Castles were home.

"Beckett? I wasn't expecting you tonight".

"Well you're not the only one in this household that knows where the wine is" She smiled.

"Did a body didn't drop did it because my phone died on me hours ago?"

She shook her head. "Nope, no body or investigation tonight".

He gave her a bright smile when he realized she had came over on her own free will.

"Alexis, why don't we head upstairs early tonight. You can tell me about the movie and how your father screamed like a girl and at what parts so we know how to prank him next time". Martha smiled as she headed up the stairs with her granddaughter.

Kate looked at Rick as he made his way into the kitchen. "So what, besides the wine, brings you to my apartment tonight? Not that I don't appreciate the company".

"Well Castle there's something I have to tell you".

He took a seat where his mother was sitting just minutes ago. "I'll do my best not to interrupt but no promises".

She gave him soft smile. She could do this, she had to. "Rick, I..." She the heard her ringtone starting to play. She couldn't believe it. She was finally going to tell him and her phone had other plans. She looked at the caller id and saw it was Esposito. "Looks like a body dropped after all".

He sighed "Let me grab my coat".

She nodded before getting up and putting her jacket on. There were so many things she wanted to say to him and a plain I love you wouldn't cut it. She'd tell him soon...very soon. Tomorrow maybe if the case was solved? All she knew was that she had said it once, well kinda, she could surely say it again. Next time though she'd make sure to remember to turn her cell phone off.


End file.
